i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
