next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
