What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
