yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize