So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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