Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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