everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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