think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
