he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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