Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
