So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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