my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
