haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
