Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
