she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
