I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
