How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
