How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
