In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
