She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
