Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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