You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
