You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
