I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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