You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
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Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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