Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
