JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
