apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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