I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
