Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
handjob tips. give me some.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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