Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
