if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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