Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it glows. i had to have it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
