I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
