I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
