oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
