The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
