SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i think i just lost a toe
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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