I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
