one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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