Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
