just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
