i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
