he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
