people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
