I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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