did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
