Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
