We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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