Just cropdusted the office
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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