My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
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i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
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Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.