I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
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he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?