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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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