she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
