I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
there's paper in my vomit.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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