Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
