Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want her autograph on my taint
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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