You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
