Apparently you make a good broom.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
