Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
