Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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