My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
