Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she told me i tasted like america
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
