I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
