Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
false alarm, still single
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
