you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
