Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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