please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
