Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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