I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
