She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
