I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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