And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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