It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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