i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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