a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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