It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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