My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
smell my finger.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
